Tomorrow is the day!

I cannot believe that it's finally here! We've been waiting months to finally find out who we'll be adding to our new family :)

Tomorrow, at 11:10am, Neal and I are going to our 15 week doctors appt. I feel so blessed that our Doctor allows us to find out what we're having so early!

Tonight while we were making dinner together Neal kept trying to get me to guess what it will be. "Boy, because I've been so sick. But wait, I feel like it's a girl though. But maybe boy because all those crazy voodoo tests said its a boy. But then when I look at the ultrasounds I feel like I'm looking at a girl. But what if it is a boy then I'll feel stupid for thinking I was looking at a girl the whole time. I don't know.. I can't guess, what do you think we're having!?!"

Neal couldn't make a guess either, he just wants to find out what we're having so we can both get excited about it. I have absolutely loved watching his enthusiasm for the baby grow. It makes me feel bad because I start to think that maybe I'm not as excited as he is. I feel so disconnected from "it". I know it's there but I don't feel pregnant at all (other than the horrible side effects, yet their wonderful because it's a reminder I'm pregnant). I'm hoping that once we find out tomorrow everything will become more real to me. I can't see the baby, I'm not showing yet, so it's almost like I don't believe that this is really happening. But then I remind myself, it is, and I'm almost 4 months along. Unbelievable.

I'd like to say that this has been an incredible journey but I don't feel like that feeling has kicked in for me yet. I know that we've been blessed with a tiny miracle. I just want it to feel more real. I love going to the doctor because I can hear the heartbeat, I can hear that they baby is growing and developing.... it's everything that I need. I worry so much that something is going to happen, that I shouldn't get my hopes up just yet, and it's safer to stay detached and disconnected. I know it's wrong and I'm hoping tomorrow changes everything.

I'm hoping that tomorrow I realize that heavenly father has literally blessed me with one of his sons or daughters. That they were chosen for us, or that maybe even they picked us. In an eternal perspective, the reality of this baby is there for me. In fact, through prayer and scripture study Neal and I were lead to know that we had children waiting on the other side. We knew it was no longer time for us to hold them there and that they wanted to join us when heavenly father was ready to send them.

I can't believe that as of tomorrow, we will know that we are having our first son or daughter. As of tomorrow, we will forevermore know who is joining our family first. We both couldn't be more excited and ready for the news :) Wish us luck!