The "Heart Hurts"

I remember being in college and talking with my best friend about a recent break up. In fact, we both got hit by the 'dump' truck that same week. We started talking about the 'Heart Hurts'. You know? When you are in so much pain that  your heart and chest physically hurt? I'm kind of going through that right now.

While at work I was catching up on the blog packoffixations.blogspot.com

It's devastating.

It's the family that was hit head on this past Christmas Eve and they lost their little boy. Colum. I don't know why I continue reading this blog because it just hurts, but I can't stop. Colum reminds me too much of Liam. Every time I read this blog my mind begins trailing off about what would happen if I were to ever lose Liam.

Sitting at work right now my heart just aches to be with him. I wish so bad that I could be a stay at home mom. He woke up at 6:30 this morning. Not too happy about it at the moment but what happened after was all worth it.

I changed his nasty pee filled jammy's, got him a clean diaper, and brought him into bed with me. We cuddled together as we laid face to face. He loves to touch my face and stick his pointer finger up my nose. He has an obsession with holes lately.

We laid together for over an hour and I just stared at him. His big blue eyes are my absolute favorite. I've dreamed about having a child like him, and now I do, and he's mine. I wish so bad I could go home and be with him the rest of the day, just holding him.

I love that little boy more than I ever thought was possible. My heart hurts on days like these and it reminds me how truly blessed I am to be his mother.